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Is your abuser a narcissist?

Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders 1994 American Psychiatric Association
Edited by Rick Ross, March 2004

Is your abuser/controller a narcissistic personality?

Check the following criteria:

A pervasive pattern of grandiosity as seen through fantasy or behavior, need for admiration, and lack of empathy, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts.

Beware of someone you are involved with has five (or more) of the following characteristics common amongst those diagnosed with “Narcissistic Personality Disorder.”

Has a grandiose sense of self-importance (e.g., exaggerates achievements and talents, expects to be recognized as superior without commensurate achievements).

Is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love.

Believes that he or she is “special” and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people (or institutions).

Requires excessive admiration.

Has a sense of entitlement, i.e., unreasonable expectations of especially favorable treatment or automatic compliance with his or her expectations.

Is interpersonally exploitative, i.e., takes advantage of others to achieve his or her own ends.

Lacks empathy: is unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others.

Is often envious of others or believes that others are envious of him or her.

Shows arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes.

Note: These criteria are excerpted from the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders 1994, American Psychiatric Association.

Breaking the Cycle of Abuse: How to Move beyond Your Past to Create an Abuse-Free Future

Breaking the Cycle of Abuse: How to Move beyond Your Past to Create an Abuse-Free Future Beverly Engel (John Wiley & Sons Inc., 2005)Order

Review — According to Engel, “in the past twenty-five years studies on abuse and family assaults strongly suggest that abused children become abusers themselves,” yet victims often don’t receive any treatment until their repetition of the abuse is already underway. In this clear, empathetic self-help book, Engel aims to stop that cycle by teaching readers to remember the past truthfully, to identify and manage their emotions, and to recognize the characteristics of abusive relationships. An experienced psychotherapist and prolific author (The Emotionally Abused Woman; Loving Him without Losing You, etc.), Engel is also an abuse survivor herself. Her attitude towards her readers is gentle and understanding; she clearly knows firsthand how difficult victim and abuser patterns are to break. Readers are expected to perform a good deal of homework aiming at self-discovery: answering simple questions, writing down their memories, tracing family patterns, etc. Some may argue that Engel presents the most crucial advice—what to do if you’ve already become abusive—too late in volume, by which point an abuser may have dropped the book. But the middle chapters—on shame and its manifestations, on anger, sorrow and fear—are some of the best, especially when Engel delves into the effects of physical, sexual and emotional abuse on children. Though she deals thoroughly with the psychology of victims, Engel concentrates far more than in her earlier books on trying to reach violent and sexual offenders. Violation begets violation, she says. Parental attitudes and behavior, be they cruel, indifferent or supportive, are passed on to later generations. This book is an excellent choice for readers who come from an abusive past and are struggling to make a brighter future for themselves and their families.

The Battered Woman

The Battered Woman Dr. Lenore Walker (Perennial; Reprint edition, May 30, 1980)Order

Review — A classic, early work that defined “the cycle of violence” and “learned helplessness” theories that are now debated by some in the field. Walker is best known for her “battered woman syndrome” defense of women who kill their abusers


In the Name of Love: Abusive Controlling Relationships (DVD)

In the Name of Love: Abusive Controlling Relationships (DVD)

Review — “This DVD should be seen by every person entering the dating scene. A superb account of the manipulation, control aspects and red flags of an abuser’s behavior that will enable everyone to spot these predators. This DVD is a magnificent breakthrough–a must-have for every classroom, women’s shelter, and abuse websites everywhere.”

Cults Inside Out

Cults Inside Out: How People Get In and Can Get Out Rick Alan Ross ( CreateSpace Independent Publishing Platform October 16, 2014) Order
How do individuals get involved with cults or abusive controlling relationships in the first place, and what steps can be taken to stage an intervention to rescue them? What can be done to heal those who have been drawn into these damaging situations? These questions and more are addressed in the book Cults Inside Out; How People Get In and Can Get Out, written by a leading expert Rick Alan Ross. Over the course of three decades, Ross has participated in about five hundred interventions, provided expert court testimony, and performed related work all around the world. Within Cults Inside Out Ross describes in detail how to identify and understand a cultic abusive controlling relationship. Ross explains many of the tactics used for control and manipulation-and, more importantly, some of the most effective methods he and other experts have used to reverse unlock undue influence. As a result, readers will find themselves armed with a greater understanding of the nature of destructive cults and abusive controlling relationships. And they will also have an improved ability to assess and deal with such situations-either in their own lives or the lives of friends and family members. Ross describes the intervention process in vivid very defined detail and provides a case examples concerning his intervention approach. One chapter specifically recounts an intervention to rescue a young woman involved in a abusive controlling relationship.