Why is it Always About You?: Saving Yourself from the Narcissists in Your LifeSandy Hotchkiss (Free Press, 2002)Order
Review — Well-written; the best book I’ve read on the subject. The commentary on the social aspects of narcissism makes this author’s approach relevant to every reader. Practical, realistic coping strategies as well as models for good-enough parenting. Great book for parents and teenagers to read together!
Synopsis: Narcissism is a healthy, necessary stage twice in a person’s life, during the toddler and teen years, and gives an individual an inflated sense of confidence that enables him or her to leave the security of the parental bond to explore the world with newly acquired abilities. If children receive good-enough parenting when reality deflates this bubble of omnipotence, they reach the end of their narcissistic explorations with a newly integrated sense of self and awareness of the separateness of other people. If they are traumatized or are insecure in their attachment to primary caregivers at these crucial stages, they never “graduate” from the school of narcissism, and become “toxic people,” viewing others merely as extensions of themselves and therefore without separate needs and feelings. You probably encounter narcissistic people every day without understanding why they are so rude, have an unfounded sense of entitlement, poor boundaries, or seem to be more “special” than other people. Many of us have been raised in families that pass down narcissitic vulnerabilities, leaving us prey to narcissists, who are always on the lookout for people who can be manipulated into supplying external validation of their “specialness,” either by annexing you and your talents to serve them or by deflating you so as to inflate themselves
Why Does He Do That: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men Lundy Bancroft (Berkley Publishing Group, 2003)Order
Review — This fascinating investigation into what makes abusive men tick is alarming, but its candid handling of a difficult subject makes it a valuable resource for professionals and victims alike. Bancroft, the former codirector of Emerge, the nation’s first program for abusive men, has specialized in domestic violence for 15 years, and his understanding of his subject and audience is apparent on every page. “One of the prevalent features of life with an angry or controlling partner is that he frequently tells you what you should think and tries to get you to doubt or devalue your own perceptions and beliefs,” he writes. “I would not like to see your experience with this book re-create that unhealthy dynamic. So the top point to bear in mind as you read [this book] is to listen carefully to what I am saying, but always to think for yourself.” He maintains this level of sensitivity and even empathy throughout discussions on the nature of abusive thinking, how abusive men manipulate their families and the legal system and whether or not they can ever be cured. Jargon-free analysis is frequently broken up by interesting first-person accounts and boxes that distill in-depth information into simple checklists. Bancroft’s book promises to be a beacon of calm and sanity for many storm-tossed families.
The Verbally Abusive Relationship: How to Recognize it and How to RespondPatricia Evans (Adams Media Corporation, 2nd edition 1996)Order
Review — Are you now, or have you ever been, in relationships with family, friends, or mates who have been verbally abusive? Is your happiness with someone you love continually threatened by interactions that continually undermine your self-esteem? Do you feel trapped in a relationship that keeps decaying in a downward spiral of overt or passive-aggressive abuse?
If so, this book could be your life raft, either carrying you toward repair of the existing relationship or the effects of past relationships or offering liberation from your current confusion. Its practical approach can help clear your head and possibly change your life. The only criticism that I and other readers have is that the author assumes verbal abuse is almost always directed by males toward females, which, in my experience and that of others I know, is not necessarily the case. Highly Recommended.
Take Back Your Life: Recovering from Cults and Abusive Relationships Janja Lalich, Madeleine Landau Tobias (Bay Tree Publishing, 2nd Revised edition May 30, 2006) Order
Review — Tobias and Lalich spent a combined total of 24 years in “restrictive groups” (i.e., cults), and both are currently involved in providing post-cult counseling and therapy. Their first collaboration, this book succeeds as an ambitious, comprehensive explanation of the cult experience and works well on several levels. Its stated focal intent is to encourage and assist those former cultists struggling to readjust to the “real world.” Powered by the authors’ experience, compassion, and intellect, it capably provides such support. In addition, however, Tobias and Lalich’s systematic analysis of the shared characteristics of cults and cult leaders, along with extensive first-person accounts by former cultists, will educate those readers with a purely intellectual interest in the allure, power, and structure of cults. Recommended for public and religious libraries.
Surviving Intimate Terrorism Hedda Nussbaum (Publish America September 12, 2005)Order
Review — This book is a must read. I couldn’t put it down! Finally hearing Hedda’s side of this story has been enlightening and life changing. The media coverage of her case caused her to become the face of domestic violence – and now we can read the true story in her own words. No one who reads this book will be the same – Hedda is a true survivor. I applaud her for the courage to speak up and share her story about her battle to live through such a horrific experience. I think this book will be a beacon of light to other women who are living with intimate terrorism, and those who have their own stories to tell. While the journey Hedda takes us through doesn’t ease her suffering, it enlightens us about the consequences of domestic violence. Share this with every woman you love, and honor Hedda’s struggle, loss, and ultimate triumph.
Surviving Domestic Violence, Voices Of Women Who Broke Free Ed.D. Weiss Elaine (Agreka Books, 2000)Order
Review — Battered women will find this book life-affirming. All readers will find it informative, well-written, and even riveting. — Andy Klein, Columnist, National Bulletin on Domestic Violence Prevention
This book will save lives. Everyone knows someone who needs to read this important book. — Rachel Naomi Remen, MD, Author, Kitchen Table Wisdom, My Grandfather’s Blessings
Shattered: Six Steps from Betrayal to Recovery Fay A. Kingler, Bettyanne Bruth (Mappletree Publishing Company 2005)Order
Review–An empowering book … from those who have been there, experts who know all the ins and outs. — Rita Smith, Executive Director of the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence
I have been waiting for a book like this since I began my counseling career in 1974! — Dr. J. Kent Griffiths, Doctor of Social Work, Licensed Clinical Social Worker
Readers will find straightforward answers to confronting all forms of infidelity including the impact of pornography on committed relationships. — Bishop George Niederauer, Catholic Diocese of Salt Lake City and President, Utah Coalition Against Pornography
“Courageous, compassionate and insightful. While focusing on the pain and disillusionment of the victims, he examines the complex dynamics of betrayer and betrayed with understanding and humility.”
LOS ANGELES TIMES
This provocative, insightful book, based on the authors’ years of experience and over 1,000 in-depth interviews helps victims of professor, physician or psychiatrist seduction, understand: the private fantasy worlds of powerful men ; the unspoken emotional needs of women; effective strategies for women to help them reinforce the bounadaries against invasion, and much more.
The Secret of Overcoming Verbal Abuse: Getting Off the Emotional Roller Coaster and Regaining Control of Your Life Albert Ellis and Marcia Grad Powers (Wilshire Book Company, 2000)Order
This book was witten in response to requests by the coauthors’ clients, students, and readers of their boks for an effective, practical ways to reduce their pain, face their fears and heal themselves and their lives-whether they stay or leave their verbally abusive relationship. Alberat Ellis, Ph.D. is coauthor of Guide to Rational Living, and is a renowned psychologist and originator of modern Cognitive Therapy and Rational, Emotive, Behavior Therapy (REBT), author of numerous books and professional articles, and director of the Albert Ellis Institute in New York. Coauthor, Marcia Grad Powers, is an accredited REBT educator, credentialled teacher, university psychology and personal growth lecturer, popular author. This book will make a major difference in the lives of countless women who deal every day with one of the most disturbing and challenging societal issues of our time.
