Why Does He Do That: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men Lundy Bancroft (Berkley Publishing Group, 2003)Order
Review — This fascinating investigation into what makes abusive men tick is alarming, but its candid handling of a difficult subject makes it a valuable resource for professionals and victims alike. Bancroft, the former codirector of Emerge, the nation’s first program for abusive men, has specialized in domestic violence for 15 years, and his understanding of his subject and audience is apparent on every page. “One of the prevalent features of life with an angry or controlling partner is that he frequently tells you what you should think and tries to get you to doubt or devalue your own perceptions and beliefs,” he writes. “I would not like to see your experience with this book re-create that unhealthy dynamic. So the top point to bear in mind as you read [this book] is to listen carefully to what I am saying, but always to think for yourself.” He maintains this level of sensitivity and even empathy throughout discussions on the nature of abusive thinking, how abusive men manipulate their families and the legal system and whether or not they can ever be cured. Jargon-free analysis is frequently broken up by interesting first-person accounts and boxes that distill in-depth information into simple checklists. Bancroft’s book promises to be a beacon of calm and sanity for many storm-tossed families.
The Verbally Abusive Relationship: How to Recognize it and How to RespondPatricia Evans (Adams Media Corporation, 2nd edition 1996)Order
Review — Are you now, or have you ever been, in relationships with family, friends, or mates who have been verbally abusive? Is your happiness with someone you love continually threatened by interactions that continually undermine your self-esteem? Do you feel trapped in a relationship that keeps decaying in a downward spiral of overt or passive-aggressive abuse?
If so, this book could be your life raft, either carrying you toward repair of the existing relationship or the effects of past relationships or offering liberation from your current confusion. Its practical approach can help clear your head and possibly change your life. The only criticism that I and other readers have is that the author assumes verbal abuse is almost always directed by males toward females, which, in my experience and that of others I know, is not necessarily the case. Highly Recommended.
Take Back Your Life: Recovering from Cults and Abusive Relationships Janja Lalich, Madeleine Landau Tobias (Bay Tree Publishing, 2nd Revised edition May 30, 2006) Order
Review — Tobias and Lalich spent a combined total of 24 years in “restrictive groups” (i.e., cults), and both are currently involved in providing post-cult counseling and therapy. Their first collaboration, this book succeeds as an ambitious, comprehensive explanation of the cult experience and works well on several levels. Its stated focal intent is to encourage and assist those former cultists struggling to readjust to the “real world.” Powered by the authors’ experience, compassion, and intellect, it capably provides such support. In addition, however, Tobias and Lalich’s systematic analysis of the shared characteristics of cults and cult leaders, along with extensive first-person accounts by former cultists, will educate those readers with a purely intellectual interest in the allure, power, and structure of cults. Recommended for public and religious libraries.
Surviving Intimate Terrorism Hedda Nussbaum (Publish America September 12, 2005)Order
Review — This book is a must read. I couldn’t put it down! Finally hearing Hedda’s side of this story has been enlightening and life changing. The media coverage of her case caused her to become the face of domestic violence – and now we can read the true story in her own words. No one who reads this book will be the same – Hedda is a true survivor. I applaud her for the courage to speak up and share her story about her battle to live through such a horrific experience. I think this book will be a beacon of light to other women who are living with intimate terrorism, and those who have their own stories to tell. While the journey Hedda takes us through doesn’t ease her suffering, it enlightens us about the consequences of domestic violence. Share this with every woman you love, and honor Hedda’s struggle, loss, and ultimate triumph.
Surviving Domestic Violence, Voices Of Women Who Broke Free Ed.D. Weiss Elaine (Agreka Books, 2000)Order
Review — Battered women will find this book life-affirming. All readers will find it informative, well-written, and even riveting. — Andy Klein, Columnist, National Bulletin on Domestic Violence Prevention
This book will save lives. Everyone knows someone who needs to read this important book. — Rachel Naomi Remen, MD, Author, Kitchen Table Wisdom, My Grandfather’s Blessings
Shattered: Six Steps from Betrayal to Recovery Fay A. Kingler, Bettyanne Bruth (Mappletree Publishing Company 2005)Order
Review–An empowering book … from those who have been there, experts who know all the ins and outs. — Rita Smith, Executive Director of the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence
I have been waiting for a book like this since I began my counseling career in 1974! — Dr. J. Kent Griffiths, Doctor of Social Work, Licensed Clinical Social Worker
Readers will find straightforward answers to confronting all forms of infidelity including the impact of pornography on committed relationships. — Bishop George Niederauer, Catholic Diocese of Salt Lake City and President, Utah Coalition Against Pornography
“Courageous, compassionate and insightful. While focusing on the pain and disillusionment of the victims, he examines the complex dynamics of betrayer and betrayed with understanding and humility.”
LOS ANGELES TIMES
This provocative, insightful book, based on the authors’ years of experience and over 1,000 in-depth interviews helps victims of professor, physician or psychiatrist seduction, understand: the private fantasy worlds of powerful men ; the unspoken emotional needs of women; effective strategies for women to help them reinforce the bounadaries against invasion, and much more.
The Secret of Overcoming Verbal Abuse: Getting Off the Emotional Roller Coaster and Regaining Control of Your Life Albert Ellis and Marcia Grad Powers (Wilshire Book Company, 2000)Order
This book was witten in response to requests by the coauthors’ clients, students, and readers of their boks for an effective, practical ways to reduce their pain, face their fears and heal themselves and their lives-whether they stay or leave their verbally abusive relationship. Alberat Ellis, Ph.D. is coauthor of Guide to Rational Living, and is a renowned psychologist and originator of modern Cognitive Therapy and Rational, Emotive, Behavior Therapy (REBT), author of numerous books and professional articles, and director of the Albert Ellis Institute in New York. Coauthor, Marcia Grad Powers, is an accredited REBT educator, credentialled teacher, university psychology and personal growth lecturer, popular author. This book will make a major difference in the lives of countless women who deal every day with one of the most disturbing and challenging societal issues of our time.
Saving Beauty From the Beast: How to Protect Your Daughter from an Unhealthy Relationship Vicki Crompton, Ellen Zelda Kessner (Little Brown & Company, 2003)Order
After her teenage daughter was killed by a boyfriend in 1986, Crompton set out to educate the public about teen dating violence. Along the way, she met magazine writer Kessner, whose own daughter had been murdered as an adult. This earnest, impassioned book, a product of their friendship and collaboration, illuminates the problems of dangerous relationships by describing their characteristics, mapping out warning signs of abuse and offering sound advice for parents seeking to empower their daughters. The authors interviewed psychologists, counselors and girls who have had violent boyfriends; the girls’ stories, as well as first-person accounts from parents and abusive boyfriends, are woven throughout the text. Many of the stories are heartbreaking: Vasso’s boyfriend put her in a coma for six months when he tried to strangle her; the father of Kaisha’s child beat her repeatedly and ultimately raped her. Crompton and Kessner are at their best when giving specific guidance to parents, such how to spot boyfriends who are too controlling and telltale changes in girls’ behavior, as well as how to help daughters plan safe breakups from violent boys. As social science, the book is weaker. Some of the authors’ statements-like the claim that “many” girls are becoming victims of violence “earlier and earlier” in relationships, or that for most teens, abuse is a “dating fact of life”-beg for supporting numbers. But whether or not the phenomenon is on the rise matters little when such abuse exists, and this book serves as both fervent friend and practical coach to parents whose daughters may be facing abuse.
