Saving Beauty From the Beast: How to Protect Your Daughter from an Unhealthy Relationship Vicki Crompton, Ellen Zelda Kessner (Little Brown & Company, 2003)Order
After her teenage daughter was killed by a boyfriend in 1986, Crompton set out to educate the public about teen dating violence. Along the way, she met magazine writer Kessner, whose own daughter had been murdered as an adult. This earnest, impassioned book, a product of their friendship and collaboration, illuminates the problems of dangerous relationships by describing their characteristics, mapping out warning signs of abuse and offering sound advice for parents seeking to empower their daughters. The authors interviewed psychologists, counselors and girls who have had violent boyfriends; the girls’ stories, as well as first-person accounts from parents and abusive boyfriends, are woven throughout the text. Many of the stories are heartbreaking: Vasso’s boyfriend put her in a coma for six months when he tried to strangle her; the father of Kaisha’s child beat her repeatedly and ultimately raped her. Crompton and Kessner are at their best when giving specific guidance to parents, such how to spot boyfriends who are too controlling and telltale changes in girls’ behavior, as well as how to help daughters plan safe breakups from violent boys. As social science, the book is weaker. Some of the authors’ statements-like the claim that “many” girls are becoming victims of violence “earlier and earlier” in relationships, or that for most teens, abuse is a “dating fact of life”-beg for supporting numbers. But whether or not the phenomenon is on the rise matters little when such abuse exists, and this book serves as both fervent friend and practical coach to parents whose daughters may be facing abuse.
People Who Play God: How Ultra-Authorities Enslave the Hearts, Minds, Souls of Their Victims Beth E. Peterson (Xlibris Corp., 2003)Order
The signs of ultra-authority are constantly before us, although very few people recognize that these signs are all pointing to one particular form of social dynamic, ultra-authority. When you look in the paper and see a story about domestic violence, you are seeing a story about ultra-authority. When you watch the TV and see a piece on Suddam Hussein or North Korea, you are seeing a piece on an ultra-authority. When you hear the latest about another destructive cult and the odd or dangerous things the cultists are doing, you are hearing about an ultra-authority.
Ultra-authority is the most widespread endemic social ill we currently have on our planet. Through a number of informal surveys, I have come to realize that 80% or more of the adults in our country have been noticeably effected by an ultra-authority at one time or another in their lives.
You cannot protect yourself from something you do not recognize; for that reason, I present to you People Who Play God.
More Than Victims: Battered Women Syndrome, Society, and the Law Donald Alexander Downs (University of Chicago Press, 1996)Order
Legal gadfly Alan Dershowitz called them “abuse excuses” in last year’s The Abuse Excuse in which he railed against the burgeoning use of criminal self-defenses such as battered-child syndrome and battered-woman syndrome. Downs, a political scientist, doesn’t rant. Instead, he considers the ability of these defenses to increase society’s awareness of the special fears of individuals “subjected to violence and related forms of abuse on a sustained basis.” But he also discusses their failings, focusing primarily on battered-woman syndrome. Relying on a BWS defense, he argues repeatedly, signals an incapacity to employ reason and take responsibility. And when one is officially labeled incapable of being responsible in one context, an individual may “surrender the benefits that accrue to bearing responsibility in another context.” Women found to have been afflicted by BWS have fared badly in child custody hearings, he notes. Based on interviews with battered women, experts in the field and prodigious research, Downs concludes that BWS-based defenses are unable to help women who kill in nonconfrontational situations. He suggests reforming the key standards, such as a more flexible standard for imminence along the lines of that used for kidnapping cases, in the law of self-defense. This reasonably accessible work takes the reader through a careful analysis of various syndromes, a legal critique of BWS, and examines the syndrome society from the vantage of political theory and citizenship.
Men Who Hate Women and the Women Who Love Them: When Loving Hurts and You Don’t Know Susan Forward (Bantam January 2, 2002)Order
Forward is a therapist, author, and talk-show host whose specialty is abusive relationships. This book grew out of her realization that her own marriage as well as those of many of her clients followed a pattern. Many men need to control their relationships completely and consequently are mentally (if not physically) abusive. They denigrate their partners, resent them if they have any outside interests, and become furious for trivial reasons. Women with low self-esteem are drawn to these men because they can also be charming and devoted. Forward devotes the first half of the book to an analysis of the problem, the second half to breaking the pattern and getting outside help. No bibliography, but competent and interesting, and sure to be popular. Recommended for public libraries. Margaret B. Allen, M.L.S., West Lebanon,
Lunch with a Sociopath Lucie Lilly Pawlak (CreateSpace February 12, 2012)Order
This is not the kind of book anyone would enjoy, but it isn’t meant to be. However, Ms. Pawlak is a fantastic writer who is amazingly able to put very difficult feelings and thoughts into words. She is incredibly candid. I read this book in three days because I couldn’t put it down. When I wasn’t reading it, I was thinking about it. I lost sleep over it. This book’s intended purpose is to help those people who are suffering or have suffered spiritual abuse and will fulfill it very well. I also believe that it will help the friends and loved ones of these victims, not because it can tell them how to help, but because it will allow them to see inside the mind and soul of someone who is enduring this kind of trauma and will help them to understand what is happening–it did for me. At some point, if she is able, Ms. Pawlak should look for more opportunities to raise awareness of this problem.
In Sheeps Clothing: Understanding and Dealing with Manipulative People George K Simon (A.J. Christopher, 1996)Order
George K. Simon, Jr. received his Ph.D. in clinical psychology from Texas Tech University. He has studied manipulators and their victims for over 10 years and given numerous workshops and seminars on covert- aggressive personalities. Dr. Simon consults to various agencies and institutions and maintains a private practice.
The Emotionally Abused Woman : Overcoming Destructive Patterns and Reclaiming Yourself M.F.C.C. Beverly Engel (Ballantine Books, Reissue edition 1992)Order
If you feel unfairly criticized, controlled by others, or are afraid of being lonely, you could be suffering from emotional abuse. Now there is help in this compassionate sourcebook. Bevery Engel, a marriage, family, and child therapist, guides you through a step-by-step recovery process to help you heal the damage done in the past.
Emotional Vampires: Dealing with People who Drain You Dry Albert J. Bernstein (McGraw-Hill, 2000)Order
Clinical psychologist and business consultant Albert Bernstein’s Emotional Vampires: Dealing with People Who Drain You Dry is a humorous yet serious look at our interactions with people who seem to sap our energy. Through anecdotes, Bernstein makes the various categories of vampires distinctive and recognizable (Anti-Social, Histrionic, Narcissistic, Obssessive-Compulsive and Paranoid) and offers practical guidance for how readers can deal with them effectively (Understanding Emotional Vampires’ immaturity is your ultimate weapon).
Emotional Blackmail: When the People in Your Life Use Fear, Obligation and Guilt to Manipulate You Susan Forward & Donna FrazierOrder
Forward, who gave us the best-selling The Men Who Hate Women, and the Women Who Love Them, offers a course on self-defense for anyone manipulated by guilt.
